Thursday, September 01, 2005

Potty Talk: Intro to the Stall Street

Good People of Warren Hall:
And so it begins.

The year that shall forever be known- seared into memories, etched into history books- as “The Year of 2005-2006.” And rightly so.

Let me tell you something about this year. You know how on every Late Night show, they always say, “we’ve got an incredible show for you tonight,” even if the only guests they’ve booked are Paulie Shore, The Guy Who Used to do the “Dude, you got a Dell” commercials, and Special Musical Guest The Bulgarian Polka Trio?

I’m not going to do that to you. I don’t know if this year’s going to be good or bad. Clouded, the future is. And magic 8-balls and fortune cookies can only tell you so much.

But here’s what I do know. This year is going to be eventful. Stuff is going to happen, man. Stuff that will blow... your... mind... Some things might be good. Maybe one of you might celebrate a birthday. Some things might be bad. Maybe the dorm might catch ablaze, trapping us all in a raging inferno, and the worst part is, while we have marshmallows and chocolate, we’re all out of Graham Crackers.

Either way, I foresee a torrential swirl of events, some planned and some unplanned. I feel it in the earth. I feel it in the water. I smell it in the air. Or maybe that’s just the regular trademark smell of 3rd West.

And I can promise you, the Stall Street Journal will be there every step of the way, chronicling the journey, bringing you information, seeking change, and humbly requesting your assistance to make Warren Hall even better. I, Daniel Walters, your Senator, have three goals for this vaunted publication, the Stall Street Journal.

1) To bring you information about future, past, and present events, as well as Issues that Concern You.

2) To allow you a platform to voice your concerns, non-sequiters, and wacky conspiracy theories.

3) And most importantly, to entertain.

Buckle your seatbelt. Becaue it’s going to be a wild ride.

If I was you, I’d get Triple A.