Thursday, September 01, 2005

The Outpost: Intro to the Outpost.

By Daniel Walters:

Pocket that pocketknife. Your days of needing to advertise on the Bathroom Wall with etched carvings are over. We here at the Stall Street Journal™©® are committed to serving you, the consumer. We- I say “we” to sound more powerful- introduce the “Outpost” feature of the Stall Street. Where you write my Stall Street for me. Send me a 200-word-or-so feature, poem, advertisement, happy birthday announcement, diatribe, or glowing compliment and I’ll publish it in this very space. That is, if you can beat out all the other letters that I’m sure to receive for that week. (I’m hoping for the E-mail version of the Miracle on 34th Street finale: “All these letters for a Mr. He is real! He’s really really real!”)
Just think about it. Is there anyplace more romantic to propose to your girlfriend than this space right here?

“So, Mom, where did Dad ask you to marry him?”

“Uh… eh… the beach. Yup. A sunny… sandy… romantic beach… Well… I gotta go… do something… someplace. Without you.”

Mail away, budding authors. Write me a story. Pen me a sonnet. Shamelessly plug the sale of your used Chia Pet. Whatever it is, make sure it fills space. As any good nihilist will tell you, filling space is what life is all about.