Thursday, September 01, 2005

Whitworthian Headlines: Week 1

Nails, Angry Punches, banned from use in Room Decorating.
“Posters can still be hung using static electricity, pure force of will,” Housing allows.

‘Wallet Donations,’ not actually part of Traditiation, Senator reluctantly admits.
-“Do you wanna buy an elevator key?” adds Walters.
Parents outraged to discover Grand Theft Auto: Vice City has Theft, Vice.

“They make it seem so Grand,” Critics complain.

Comedians still depressed over Jackson’s ‘Innocent’ verdict.
“At least I still have O.J. jokes,” Leno says.

Hurricane devestation makes Colin Storm’s last name seem insensitive.
-Couldn’t he just call himself Colin S?” critics say.

Many unable to differentiate between satire, reality.
-Protesters riot over inaccuracies in Ziggy, Hagar the Horrible.