Sunday, September 18, 2005

The Outpost: By Sancho the Bull Rider

Warrenties, I write to you from a place of lonely seclusion bearing the most somber tidings. I would tell you directly, but I have been forced into this isolation and the only contact I have is in the form of letters using a clever pseudonym. (By the way, don’t bother attempting to trace the post. Czechoslovakia no longer exists. Fun Fact: It is now divided into the Czech Republic and Slovakia.) If word of my whereabouts were to reach Scott Harmon, my life would be forfeit. But I have risked my life for your safety. My sacrifice means your survival. Yes, my delinquent dorm dwellers, Scott Harmon has an evil plan. Don’t let the homey, not-so-intelligent, cowboy look throw you off: for he is an evil genius bent on domination through any means necessary. Last year, he took over the RA (conveniently his roommate) position on 3rd West after cruelly dispatching of the RA’s limbs in a “basketball game.” Does Scott look like a basketball player to you? I think not! Now he is trying to take over, not only a hall, but the whole of Warren! Don’t believe me? Just look who his roommate is this year: the Warren senator! I’ll spare you all the gory details; suffice it to say an intervention is needed. I urge you all, stand together! While he may try to lure you out into the darkness of the loop for “Frisbee,” keep in mind that Frisbee, when the b is mirrored, the end only needs two letters to be another word: deeth…which might as well be DEATH!

Stay safe, Warren, until my next correspondence,
Sancho the Bull rider.