Thursday, May 05, 2005

Hello Walk, My Old Friend...

Okay so I'm reading the Whitworthian the other day. Everything is going fine...


I read this article.

Whitworth is planning nearly $80 million dollars worth of projects, improvements and additions to the college's facilities and programs for the next five years.

The Board of Trustees voted on the long-awaited and much-discussed five-year plan to put [the college] in a place to become one of the great Christian liberal arts institutions in the country, said Dale Soden, the chief author of the plan.

I skipped past this part because it was boring. Suddenly, I read that a new walkway will be built. Great. Many a tragic day have I slogged across the sloshing, muddy, wasteland between Warren and the HUB. It doesn't make sense that there isn't a walkway directly connecting the two most important buildings on campus. But my something doesn't feel right. Senator-sense... tingling...

Also, a new sidewalk nicknamed "hello walk" that will reach from the Hixson Union Building to the Field House will replace the current walkway. The new sidewalk will be a double-breasted walkway with a grass medium similar to the double-breasted sidewalk in front of Dixon Hall and Warren Hall.

Woah... Stop. Hammer time.

"Hello Walk?"

Uh... I don't mean to be cruel but... "Hello Walk" is the dumbest name for anything ever. Even worse than "Safeco Field" or "Pepsi Blue." At least "Hello Kitty" has some bit of rhythm to it. Hello Walk is an abhorrent cacophonous mouthful. Whitworth should continue the proud American tradition of naming things after Dead Presidents or Rich People.

Chester A. Arthur Walkway? Now, there's a name worthy of Whitworth footsteps.

But wait. Continue reading the quote I quoted above. Not the quote at the top of the page, the one a little bit further on. That one. Good. Keep reading. There. Stop.

The walkway will REPLACE the CURRENT one.

This is the thing that seems kinda weird. We're going to spend hundreds of dollars, hundreds of hours, and for what?


The new walkway will be an eensy bit bigger than the previous one, thereby preventing the walkway traffic jams that have become all too common, making people late to class, rousing Sidewalk Rage, resulting in far too many fights and deaths.

But is the prevention of those deaths worth the cost?

The board of trustees need to say, "Goodbye," to "Hello Walk."